Leo (Mobile) Jan5, 2010 6:10:18PM
will you make me something warm and dee-lish to drink, then vibe it out here to the fucking arctic?
Admittedly, I work for “the man.” There isn’t much other choice. Being a full-time student, I’m destined for food & beverage jobs until I finish these gazillion years of university that I have left. I’ve spent my fair share of time in restaurants, right before I felt like I would loose my mind if I have to serve one more table; I switched to coffee shop employment. I’ve been living this yo-yo employment for years. I really do love coffee; that is, I love making someone the PERFECT drink. Well, when you come to Starbucks, you better get it as your paying $5 dollars for a cup of milk and some hot espresso. If you are a friendly, polite person, I will make you the sexiest foam for your latte that you could ever dream up. The thick, creamy foam that makes you ask “did you put whip cream on this?” to which I triumphantly respond “No, that my dear customer, is just some fabulously sexy milk foam.” Barista-ing (is that a word? well it is now!) is a wonderful experience, even though the wage is so mediocre.
I get to serve you the cup of coffee that will send you flying off to work on a cloud. Or I can serve you a cup that will rush down your throat like burnt, acidic toast. I can make you sexy foam, or maybe I will decide to make you dry, airy, ugly foam. I can carefully monitor the freshness of your espresso by timing the shots so that your latte has a delicate caramel-y consistency. Or I can choose to let your shots pour to long, so the espresso looses its ‘creme’ and what is meant to be your morning glory quickly becomes your morning acid reflux.
I usually will chose to give you the more desirable of the options, that’s if, your not a jerk. Mmm, now do I have you worried? Here’s a quick, short little list of how to identify if you are, in fact, a jerk.
- You talk on your cell phone the. entire. time. you. are. in. the. store. And when I ask you questions, you act as if I am the most disturbing, annoying person you have ever encountered.
- You complain about prices. Obviously, jerk customer, I did not have any power in pricing the product. What do you want me to do about it? I have better things to do than listen to you complain about something we both obviously can’t change…like make sexy foam (but not for you!)
- Your name is Jeff and you are that annoying paramedic with blond spiked tips that comes in and treats us all like shit (Hello, you get FREE COFFEE!) Ah well, he drives a hummer….enough said.
- You act like your the coffee GOD, and swear you can taste the difference between 2 different roasts. You throw a hissy fit when we don’t have the one that you ‘prefer’. You know my answer to this? Kindly saying “oh yes, dear coffee GOD, I will go out of my way to brew you a special cup!” and Indeed, I go through the motions. However, you end up with the same damn coffee as everyone else…and for a moment; even I am actually scared… DID I FOOL GOD? I watch your face as you take your first sip…and yes..yes I did pull one over on you, coffee GOD.